Handling Conversations of a Sexual Nature

The number of conversations of a sexual nature seem to be increasing as “nothing is out of bounds” and culture supports a less biblical view of sex. These can be very sensitive and difficult for both the seeker and responder.

As we see more men and women bringing issues of pornography, masturbation, extra-marital affairs, and pre-marital sex to the ministry, we are reminded that it was once expected that a majority are coming with an appreciation that these things are biblically sinful.  That assumption is no longer a given as many want to push back or debate whether these things are wrong.

Conversations of this nature are often highly sensitive and emotional topics. We also often are speaking to someone who has never shared this information with anyone else. We unfortunately also may be speaking to someone that has a deeper issue and is not seeking help or Jesus Christ but some perverse enjoyment from such a conversation. This means we must be that much more discerning about what is being discussed.

For those acknowledging their sin and desperately seeking help, we do not need to spend a long period of time explaining God’s perfect design for sex but rather need to help them approach these issues with honesty, transparency, and accountability.

We encourage responders to look for and see the difference between someone broken, hurting and in need of help and someone pushing the bounds of common decency and respect. The ministry never wants to put anyone in a situation where they are feeling manipulated or harassed.

We also offer several helpful tips for managing these conversations:

• Transfer someone of the opposite gender to a responder of the same gender if the topic requires or you simply believe it would be more appropriate.
• If you know you are speaking with someone under 18, be extra careful and encourage them to reach out to their parents, school counselor or youth leader for a more appropriate source of help.
• Use the ministry resources on these topics. These can be very helpful in bringing change, but they are a starting point and do not substitute for real accountability. We want you to encourage people to not just read about change but start living out those changes.
• Help guests recognize that Satan likes to use shame and guilt to keep people buried in sexual sin. He wants us to try to manage our own way out of these issues and knows we are more likely to fail without the help and encouragement of others. We want to let seekers know this is a recipe for failure and being honest and transparent with someone in their life is necessary no matter how difficult that may be.

Lastly, we encourage responders to take control of every conversation. They should always be prepared to set clear boundaries and let the seeker know they are unwilling to continue if those boundaries are not respected. The first sign of any sexual harassment or sexually inappropriate language should be met with a strong response letting the seeker know that you will not engage or remain online if they continue to use such language.

We want to meet people stuck in sexual sin with grace, but we also must create a discussion framed in respect and a level of sincerity the struggle deserves.