The Dangers of Judging Others

One of the dangers of listening online to one person after another share how their lives are broken is it becomes easy to fall into judgment of others.

Some people visit looking for help with difficult personal situations or behavior that is clearly unbiblical. They can even be seeking some opinion or advice on their circumstances. However, this does not mean they are desiring to be personally judged.

Answering their questions may require discernment or judgment about the behavior, but this can be sensitive and very dangerous. The enemy wants these conversations to go sideways. He wants to decrease the value of our Gospel-centered message by creating friction with the seeker.

Offering any judgment on these situations can go wrong in several different ways:

  • We may not be told all the facts and can end up judging in the wrong way.
  • We too easily forget our own mistakes or faults when offering a response.
  • We forget God’s grace for our worst mistakes and become a hypocrite.
  • We assume the worst and miss information that may shed a different light on the situation.

We encourage volunteers to pray for the Holy Spirit’s guidance with these difficult conversations. We want to be charitable in coming to conclusions and sharing truth in an appealing way that makes Jesus more desirable. If we are unsure, we should ask more questions to see if there is more to the story. We should always walk carefully sharing grace and God’s love before offering answers to questions requiring some judgment.

A few verses to remind us of the dangers of judging.

Luke 6:37 – Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.

Romans 2:1 – You, therefore, have no excuse, you who pass judgment on someone else, for at whatever point you judge another, you are condemning yourself, because you who pass judgment do the same things. 

Matthew 7:3 – Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 

Conversations with Minors

Young people are getting access to computers and phones at younger ages. They are also getting exposed to mature topics and content earlier in life. As a ministry, we see this as the number of conversations with young people is increasing and the topics becoming more complex.

We want to share Jesus and speak truth into all seekers, but we also have an obligation to adhere to the various rules and regulations that relate to conversations with Minors and privacy laws. For instance, in the U.S. there is the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Act (COPPA) that is a federal law prohibiting certain types of communication with children 13 years or younger. There are similar laws in Europe that apply to children under 16 years of age.

This has led us to remind volunteers that these conversations much be managed more sensitively and should always factor in the following reminders:

First Reminder – The ministry does not seek to collect any personally identifiable information from any seeker. So, in addition to avoiding full names and addresses, the ministry does not ask seekers their age. However, there are occasions when the seeker will volunteer such information, or you will be able to ascertain during the conversation. We coach volunteers to use common sense and their best judgement when speaking with someone that sounds like they are a Minor.

Second reminder – We recognize that conversations with Minors can be complex. As volunteers, we do not want to shy away from them, but we want to be conscious of who you are speaking to and what they are looking to discuss. Some volunteers may feel like walking with this young person over time as a mentor or coach would be helpful but this type of ongoing relationship is never allowed with a Minor.

Third reminder – As with all conversations, you should be evaluating the details the seeker shares. We do not ask volunteers to determine each seekers age. We encourage them to simply evaluate the information presented. If words like school, my teacher, kids, my parents, and other phrases that are not commonly used by adults are used then that would be a red flag. In these obvious cases, we always proceed cautiously determining what the guest is looking to discuss. We also want to determine whether they have someone they trust so we can encourage that connection. We always use discretion and avoid getting pulled into personal details that are not relevant to the conversation.

Once we suspect or realize that we are talking with someone under 18 years of age, we attempt to determine the type of conversation they are seeking and follow these guidelines for each type of conversation.

1. Spiritual Nature – Conversation purely spiritual in nature. These could be focused on questions about the Bible or concerning forgiveness, faith, how to be saved, or changing their relationship with God. These should be handled like any other legitimate conversation. Feel free to pray with them but also set boundaries and do not get pulled into an ongoing or repeated conversation.

2. General Life Discussion and Connection – Many young people come to the ministry just looking to talk or connect. They may bring up issues like friendships, school, loneliness, purpose, parents, identity, and feelings (anxiety, worry, depression). These should be handled directly with biblical direction. We want you to be intentional in leading this conversation to a positive close. Feel free to pray with them but also set boundaries and do not get pulled into an ongoing or repeated conversation.

3. Serious Life Issues – If the conversation relates to a serious life issue such as teen pregnancy, gender confusion, homosexuality, premarital sex, abuse, bullying, etc. then we want you to be intentional in leading this conversation to a positive close. This includes sharing biblical truth while at the same time encouraging the Minor to get help and speak to their parents, Youth Pastor, School Counselor or other trusted adult. Feel free to pray with them but also set boundaries and do not get pulled into an ongoing or repeated conversation.

4. Inappropriate Nature – As with any aged person, when the conversation is of an inappropriate nature, then we encourage you to graciously bow out and close the conversation quickly. Always show grace but be guarded with your words and encourage the minor to talk with their parents, Youth Pastor, School Counselor or other trusted adult.

We recognize it is hard to fit every possible conversation into one of four categories, but the reminders and guidelines above provide a safe framework for having conversations with Minors.

Cultural Context Matters

One of the many advantages of online evangelism is it offers easy access to conversations with people from all over the world. This means people with different cultural and faith backgrounds potentially hearing about Jesus for the first time. Others may have misguided ideas of who Jesus is and what the Bible actually says.

It is critically important to appreciate how someone’s cultural understanding of Jesus and sin will affect how they receive the Gospel. This means simple questions asking someone what they understand or believe can be critical to connecting with them. When we understand a seeker’s background and cultural context, we can offer the Gospel in ways that are more likely to resonate.

There are many ways to view different cultural viewpoints, but it can be helpful to see them from a broad perspective before learning specifics about an individual. Some Christian anthropologists classify cultures into three different sin-response types:

  • Guilt/Innocence cultures view right and wrong primarily based on understanding of justice and law. The Gospel is most clearly understood as salvation from guilt and the penalty of sin. This is common in western cultures like the US.

  • Shame/Honor cultures value relationships and understand right and wrong based on what grants honor (both to self and family/community) and avoids shame. The Gospel is most clearly understood as salvation from their shame and how God grants them an honorable position as son or daughter of the Most High. This is more often seen in Eastern cultures like Japan.

  • Fear/Power cultures see life as a struggle for spiritual power in order to attain what they need. What is right is determined by what the individual god or spirit demands from someone to gain favor. The Gospel is most clearly understood as salvation from the domain of darkness into the kingdom of a sovereign and good God who is more powerful than all other spirits. This is seen in Tribal cultures throughout the world.

The core message of the Gospel does not change but how we present it may differ depending on the background and culture of the seeker. We also need to recognize that we often use language and metaphors that we have grown comfortable with but those may not help someone from another culture appreciate the message the same way. We must be mindful to choose simple words that capture the essence of the Gospel and select language and examples that connect with the audience. Always trust the Holy Spirit to guide and lead each conversation to a place of understanding and transformation for the seeker.

Transitioning Conversations

Most people come online to share a story or problem. They may not have anyone they can seek advice from or confide in.  We always want to listen well and understand the heart of each guest. The goal of every conversation is to ultimately share Jesus Christ. This means we need to look for seamless ways to transition personal conversations into kingdom conversations.

We need to connect with people that may be far from Jesus and help them understand that He cares for them and speaks clearly into their struggles. True hope does not come from feelings but knowing and trusting in Christ.

We understand this can sound challenging when people come with a wide range of conversation topics. However, smooth transitions can connect any topic to what God’s Word says about how to live healthy and joyful lives. Here are a few examples:

  • People concerned about heaven or hell is a great opening to share how we can be saved and spend eternity with Jesus in heaven.
  • Those concerned with sin or forgiveness is a chance to talk about how we are all broken sinners and need forgiveness along with how Jesus offers it to each of us.
  • Guests dealing with broken relationships is an opportunity to talk about how Jesus wants a personal relationship with each of us and what He says about loving others.
  • Anxiety and shame are openings to talk about the peace of God that comes to those who are saved and learn to trust God in all things.
  • Those struggling with finding purpose or identity is a chance to talk about how God has a plan for each of us and it starts with having a right relationship with Jesus Christ.
  • People stuck in porn or sexual sin offers us the opportunity to talk about God’s perfect design for marriage and sex and how Jesus offers forgiveness for all sin.

  • Same sex and gender confusion are sensitive topics and a great occasion to share how we were created for relationship with God and that our true identity is in Christ.

  • Some guests simply are in hard seasons of life so we can encourage them that God is there, has never left them, and His promises are not any less true in those times of struggle.

Conversations can be difficult but there is always a way to share God’s love. Our goal should be to turn their attention to how Christ is the answer and His Word has something to say about their circumstances. Do not let the magnitude or emotion of what a guest is wrestling with keep you from sharing truth and transitioning the conversation into a Gospel-centered discussion.

How to Meet People Digitally

The world is getting smaller. This is obviously not a statement regarding physical size but about technology. We can easily connect with people on the other side of the world through a phone in our pocket. We can reach distinct people groups through a post online or influence specific age groups through the social media or technology we select. We talk with people from every tribe and nation on an endless array of topics and issues. Considering this diversity, it helps to keep some simple communication guidelines at work for productive conversations.

Listening goes a long way – Everyone coming to us has a story and most desperately want to share it. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Most people like to hear themselves and letting them lay out their story, within reason, will often help you determine how to best manage the conversation and earn the right to share the Gospel. Listen for the clues as to what their relationship with Jesus is really like.

Keep things Simple – Don’t give them more than they need. We can’t solve every life issue the person has. Stick with the Gospel and how much Jesus loves them. For many that are coming back to their faith, or those that have been running from God, the idea of church is very scary. Give them the main points and allow time, discipleship, and other believers to augment their faith. None of us as new believers could understand all the finer points of theology, exact Bible references, the cultural background of the text, or the Hebrew/Greek meaning of each term during our first exposure to Jesus or His word. Be patient and know that simply sharing the Gospel is success!

Emphasize Concepts over Words – Don’t memorize an outline, but rather learn the concepts. Words change depending on whom you’re talking to. If you’re explaining the dangers of a hot stove or open water to a two-year old, you’ll use different words, tones, and illustrations than you would if you’re talking to an adult. Get the concepts down, the general direction of what you want to say, and the words will come as the Holy Spirit works through you. Know the concepts of Sin, Substitution, and Faith and be able to explain them using different words.

Mirror Conversation Styles – Don’t respond with long and overdrawn answers. This is especially true in digital conversations online or via text. Three of every four seekers are “talking” with us through a mobile device. Screens are small and we need to communicate in shorter bites to make sure the seeker is following along. You may want to insert simple statements such as “does that make sense” or “are you with me”. Simplify your answers to ensure anyone can understand the message and then meet them at the level they display.

Don’t assume those who claim to be “Christian” are so – We do not recommend you ask anyone if they are Christian or saved. Many will respond “yes” without knowing what is involved or having a true relationship with Jesus. When you probe about the seeker’s relationship with Jesus, you will often get a response related to going to church or some other activity or status that they mistakenly believe bestows Christianity. Gently ask “where Jesus is in your life and how he has transformed you”. Sometimes simply asking about where Jesus fits in their life can help show what their beliefs truly are.

Don’t judge or argue – We never debate or argue someone into believing. Some visitors will come looking to draw you into such a conversation. If you sense it going that direction, simply ask if the person is seeking Jesus or looking for something else from the conversation. Faith is ultimately directed by the Holy Spirit, and we can only pray that we are fortunate enough to play a role in that process. Show love so no matter how the conversations end, it will leave them appreciating how Christians live and what the Gospel preaches.

People come with different objectives and communication styles. Meeting them on the most basic level often earns us the right to share Jesus with love and grace.

Patient Listening

Online conversations offer connection with not only people all over the world, but it also offers people the chance to share things they may not with others through anonymous conversation. This leads to authentic sharing and guests being raw with their struggles. These also have the obvious disadvantage of not seeing the other person or hearing tone. This means it is even more important to listen well and absorb the words they share before responding.

One of the risks for seasoned volunteers is that once they have talked to people on a broad range of topics, they may start “filling in the blanks” of someone’s story when they start a conversation down a familiar path. They may start thinking of biblical responses and formulating how to respond to this general situation. They may spend more time thinking of their response than listening to the seeker.

When this happens, we often miss the real story behind the emotion and conversation. We are more likely to skip over an important detail of their story while preparing our response. This results in only appreciating part of the conversation versus actually hearing what the other person is sharing.

The remedy to this challenge is to become a patient listener. That means paying close attention to every word shared. Asking the other person if you have heard them correctly and sharing their story back to them in your own words to ensure that you fully understand them before you respond or offer any guidance. Regardless of the issue, those who have their story accurately repeated back to them often share the following feelings following the conversation:

  • I was heard and respected
  • I believe the other person cared for me and connected with me
  • I do not feel judged
  • I am likely to follow through with the recommendations/resources provided

Everyone coming to us has a story and most desperately want to share it. We also know that most people like to hear themselves and letting them lay out their story will often help you determine how to best manage the conversation and earn the right to share the Gospel.

There is a time to direct and control the conversation towards Jesus but do not be so anxious to get there that you forget to listen to the person you meet online. Listening well is loving them well and reflecting the grace Jesus offers each of us.

The Challenge of Grace

Grace: noun

unmerited favor or divine assistance given to humans for their regeneration or sanctification

Even the definition of grace can be difficult to wrap our arms around. Often it takes the experience of grace to bring the concept to life.

Each of us has had moments of pain, decisions we regret, and seasons where our spirit was crushed. The grace of God is what helped us move forward and realize we could change. With time, we even come to see how God often uses those challenging experiences for something good and to draw us nearer to Him.  As our faith matures, we lean into that grace and accept it as a truly special gift from God.

However, this message of grace is countercultural. Many people struggling in sin have a hard time believing it applies to them. The enemy uses everything he can to discourage and deceive those who are feel shame and guilt. Consequently, many people looking for help online struggle to accept God’s grace.

Obviously, online evangelism focuses on sharing the Good News and the Gospel message is one full of grace. We are both saved by grace through faith, but it is also an essential part of God’s character and how we grow our relationship with Him.

The most common reaction to this from unbelievers is one of exclusion and how that grace cannot possibly extend to “all I have done”. For this reason, it may be necessary to share specific stories and verses from scripture for this message to be fully appreciated and accepted. This means we must help guests understand they are not beyond God’s grace, and we all need it.

It is also often helpful to paint the picture of grace as a gift so those struggling can see it is not based on what we deserve, earn, or need to pay back. God’s grace requires no repayment or return by the recipient. It is a gift that is free to us although not to God who offers it. We need to lean into the countless examples of how God’s love, mercy and common blessings reflect His grace to us each day.

This concept of ongoing grace helps us share that favor does not stop once we are saved. God is gracious to us for the rest of our lives, working within and upon us. The Bible encourages us that grace:

  • provides us access to a relationship with God
  • justifies us before a holy God
  • changes how we see life and desire to live
  • encourages, comforts, and strengthens us

Grace is not something that is easy to grasp when you have been running from God and don’t know His true nature. But grace is often the concept that starts changing hearts and helping the lost come to see how Christianity and trusting Jesus are different than anything else the world offers.

The Power of Prayer

Many long-time believers can point to instances where prayer has resulted in renewed hope, a change in circumstances, or refreshed spirit. We recognize prayer as an invaluable aspect of our relationship with God and one of the ways we navigate through our faith journey. What we may forget is how powerful it can be for someone that does not know Jesus or has never prayed before.

Online evangelism offers us the opportunity to meet many people who are wandering spiritually or do not know Jesus Christ. A fair number of them are struggling with major life issues. We always encourage volunteers to not just say you will pray for them but to actually type out the prayer while connected digitally.

It is not uncommon after sending a prayer to have seekers respond that they are crying, that no one has ever prayed over them, or ask whether it is possible to get a copy of the prayer so they can save it and refer to it again.

We have learned to never underestimate the power of simply praying with someone. We repeatedly see that the Holy Spirit can move hearts just as easily through technology as He can when people are holding hands in person.

The other element of prayer in digital evangelism is to seek the Holy Spirit before, during and after each conversation. We never know what type of situation may come across next.  It may be something we have never personally experienced. It may be someone that is deeply in need of God’s touch. We should all be seeking the Spirit’s guidance, words, and heart for every interaction. We also should take a moment and lift that person up after the conversation has concluded.

Some of the most sweet and impactful volunteer stories involve faithful servants keeping a very basic prayer journal of all their conversations. Simply recording a first name and a few of the facts from the conversation allows them to continue to lift people up in prayer well after the conversation.  There is no better way to let our speech be gracious and seasoned with salt when evangelizing than to lift others up in prayer.

Critical Differences

People considering online evangelism often ask how it is different than how they have shared Jesus in the past. It is a good question because there are critical differences with face-to-face evangelism but also wonderful opportunities to get started for those that have yet to start sharing Jesus. We want to highlight a few of those distinctions.

Conversations come to you versus having to find them

One of the biggest differences is how conversations come about. Working with an online ministry means those volunteering to share the Gospel are receiving conversations without having to generate those individually. This removes one of the biggest fears in evangelism which is to find someone and start a conversation. In online evangelism, seekers are coming to you and all you must do is say hello and ask them what is going on.

Anonymity encourages honesty and authenticity

Both the volunteer and person reaching out to us are unable to see each other and not burdened by the frequent fears that come with face-to-face evangelism. You also can share from the comfort and safety of your own home.  In online evangelism, age or gender biases often are removed as people meet one another openly and freely without fear of judgement.

Geographic reach is exponential

Simple messages shared online or through social media bring in diverse segments of society from all over the world. You can connect with people from varying cultures freely and without geographic boundaries.  People that you could never meet in other countries are now a click away from sharing their story with you and hearing how Jesus has changed your life.

Tone and emotion are harder to detect

One of the disadvantages of online evangelism is it is more difficult to pick up on tone or emotions. We only see the words they type and not body language, facial expressions, or changes in tone. However, this can be overcome with a few simple clarifying questions that help you understand where this person is coming from and how emotional they are about the conversation.

Resources and support are a click away

Most people start with a list of questions and concerns about whether they can do evangelism. They may worry over not knowing the answer to every question, whether they will remember certain Bible passages, or whether they are qualified to share the Gospel. The beauty of online evangelism is there are a wide assortment of resources available at your fingertips. Outlines for how to handle hard topics, links to verses and biblical questions, as well as contact information for experts and other organizations when someone requires special help.

We would all agree that we are commanded by Christ to “go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit…”. This starts with simply loving people, listening to their story and having a conversation. We can be assured that as certain as Jesus gave us this directive, He will also give us the words to say as we yield to the Spirit of God working in us.

Need Him wants to encourage those who have been sitting on the sidelines wondering if they could do this. Many seminaries and ministries have come to see that this is the perfect first step to learn how to start evangelizing before someone goes out to do it in person. While sharing online, you also have the support of ministry leaders and other volunteers who are willing to offer prayer support along with resources you can rely on while sharing.  Further, if you find yourself in a difficult conversation or one that you may not feel confident to manage, you can often transfer to another person who can take over the discussion for you.

We have volunteers from 18-91 years old meeting others with the Good News. If you are wondering whether you can do this, then we encourage you to visit https://needhim.org/get-involved/#volunteer to learn more about how you can take the first step in sharing your faith.

You Can Do This!

Jesus came to redeem sinners and in Matthew 28 we see God’s heart for wanting to see all people come to know truth. This has come to be known as the Great Commission and it includes a promise of God being with all who follow through on this call.

“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Unfortunately, most believers never share the Gospel or their faith with anyone. A growing percentage of Christians now say it is the local churches job to evangelize. Even more discouraging is how younger Christians are increasingly saying that sharing the Gospel and participating in evangelism is inappropriate.

When you combine these unfortunate cultural realities with the spiritual challenges of sharing the Gospel today, we start to understand why the need is great, but the workers are few. The enemy also has a long history of discouraging and deceiving believers into thinking they should not share their faith. Satan wants you to believe:

  • You need to go to seminary first
  • You must have memorized the Bible
  • You need to know the answer to every possible question
  • Your story of coming to faith is not dramatic enough
  • Your Christian walk is less than perfect so you should not be the one sharing

We do not pretend sharing the Gospel is easy, but every believer can do it if they try. The truth is we do not need formal training in seminary. Your story is unique to you and cannot be discounted by anyone else. You do not need to memorize the Bible first or know the answer to every question. You just need to be willing to have a conversation.

We should all find peace in knowing that God is in control of others salvation but wants to use us in the process. And He can only use us if we answer the call. One of the beautiful aspects of online evangelism is the seekers come to us. You don’t have to go somewhere and approach a stranger. You do not even have to look them in the eyes. You simply need to meet them, listen well, love them, and share the biblical truth of how much Jesus loves them.

Think about sitting on a bus and a stranger takes the seat next to you. After a few moments of sitting next to one another, you realize this stranger is quietly crying. You wait but the crying continues. What would you do? 

Most believers would ask if their seat mate were ok. They would listen as this person shares what is weighing on their spirit and they would talk about shared experiences. This is how most conversations start online. Two people talking about life with one sharing how Jesus changes everything.

We have volunteers from 18-91 years old making the time to get online and meet others with the Good News. If you are wondering whether you can do this then we encourage you to visit https://needhim.org/get-involved/#volunteer to learn more about how you can take the first step in sharing your faith.

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